WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
