K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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