I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
