Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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