Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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