you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
