i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
