If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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