Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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