this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
