You're my little dorito
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
