i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
