I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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