i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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