I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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