I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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