Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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