So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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