I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
