i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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