Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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