i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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