True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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