6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
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I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
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This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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