I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
