he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
