this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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