ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
