I'm pants shitting drunk right now
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
