Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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