i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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