And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
