so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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