i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
