she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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