I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
No more Irish car bombs ever.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
