She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
