I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Dignity is for republicans.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
