so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
