I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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