She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
please come you make the beer taste better
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
