Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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