Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
