My sheets look like a crime scene.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
