don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
