I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
