I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
