I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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