i barfeds in our rink
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
please come you make the beer taste better
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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