I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
