Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
