And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
