I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
it was like eating out sand paper
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
