Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
