i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
