Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
