my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
