Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
