Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
please don't ironically join a cult
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