The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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