I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
