What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
