SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Randomize
