he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
