he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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