Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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