Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
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I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
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I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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