also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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