after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
